Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand, manage, and utilize your own emotions, as well as recognize the feelings of others. It enables one to read the emotional state of another. 

Emotional intelligence consists of a set of skills for children to learn at their age. It motivates them and helps children plan and achieve their desires in the long run.

For success in life, emotional intelligence skills are quite important, more so than logic. Daniel Goleman argues that IQ contributes to only 20% of success in life, while facets like social skill, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and self-awareness contribute to the rest.

This article explores the importance of emotional intelligence in children, its limitations in a collectivist society like Pakistan, and recommendations on how to improve emotional skills.

What is Emotional Intelligence in Children

SEL- Social Emotional Learning

Social Emotional Learning is a process through which people develop awareness as well as skills in how to handle emotions, set goals, and establish relationships. They also learn how to make responsible decisions, which would support them in school and further in life.

This process is first nurtured during childhood, with the parent first teaching their child how to identify and execute their own emotions, before reacting to those of others.

SEL is categorized into five concepts. We will examine how these concepts are portrayed in children in relation to developing emotional intelligence.

1. Self-Awareness 

The first step towards developing emotional intelligence in children is being aware of their own emotions. Every circumstance leads to the release of different emotions. Through portraying and learning how to identify their own emotions, children are more likely to show empathy and comprehend the feelings of others. 

Empathy surfaces from infancy, when you begin interacting with your child. Reacting to your words and actions during that stage signals the initial step of building emotional intelligence. 

2. Self-Management 

As soon as children recognize their own emotions, the next step is to learn how to manage them. Self-management helps children regulate their emotions and reactions to certain situations, without letting these emotions control their actions. 

Through guidance, children learn how to manage their emotions, through strategies like pausing before reacting or using words to express what they feel. This aids in building resilience, which is important in developing healthy relationships. 

3. Social Awareness 

Through identifying their own feelings, children are able to understand the feelings of others. This involves respecting differences and appreciating others’ perspectives. 

Over time, children learn to recognize when someone is sad, left out, or excited, and respond, showing care and understanding. This shapes empathy and encourages compassion.

4. Relationship skills 

To build healthy and safe relationships through trust, communication, and cooperation, children are taught sharing, listening, and taking turns. They also learn to resolve conflicts respectfully. 

Practicing these behaviours results in children forming strong friendships and meaningful bonds. As time passes, they achieve the ability to work as a team and navigate disagreements with peace.

5.  Responsible decision-making 

The last step of social-emotional learning is forming thoughtful and responsible choices. At this stage, children begin to understand that their actions have consequences, not only for themselves but for others around them.

Through a proper guide and practice, children learn to choose between options, consider safety, and ensure fairness. This teaches them accountability and supports positive decision-making through the course of their life.

Ten Indicators of Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

1. Your child is aware of his or her own emotions and knows when they are happy, sad, or angry.
2. They can express their feelings clearly.
3. A child can manage stress, using healthy coping strategies when under the weather or anxious. 
4. They know how to react and respond accurately to emotional cues.
5. Your child shows compassion when his or her friend is upset or in need of help.
6. They notice when someone feels upset, ignored, or happy, and adjust to their behaviour.
7. Another indicator is that they can solve disagreements in conflict without being aggressive.
8. They can make and maintain positive relationships with their friends or peers.
9. They identify the consequences of their actions and therefore make thoughtful choices.
10. They are resilient, bouncing back from disappointment and learning from their mistakes.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence 

Emotionally intelligent individuals can handle emotionally driven situations and build positive and trusting environments.

In children, emotional intelligence is important as it helps develop emotional skills over time and helps them navigate social situations with ease. Nurturing EI from a young age contributes to their mental health, promotes overall well-being, and future success.

Emotional Intelligence in an Individualist and Collectivist Society 

According to cross-cultural psychology, the cultural context in which children are brought up influences how they show and express their emotions.

An individualistic society focuses on ‘I’. In such a society, emotional intelligence is self-focused and goals are personal, plus self-regulated, unlike that of a collectivist society. In a collectivist society, empathy and social awareness are highly emphasized in terms of group harmony and interdependence. 

Individualist vs Collectivist Society 

The table shows how an individualistic and community-based society differs when it comes to emotional intelligence.

Aspect	Individualist Societies	Collectivist Societies
Focus	Personal goals, achievements, and independence.	Group harmony, cooperation, and interpersonal relationships.
Self-Regulation	More importance is placed on self-awareness and managing one’s own emotions effectively.	Emotional control is used to maintain harmony and avoid disrupting how the group functions.
Emotional Expression	More open expression of emotions.	Emotions are often restrained or suppressed.
Social Awareness	The focus is more on personal success.	High levels of empathy and social awareness are required to understand and respond to others’ needs.
Goal Orientation	It is about individual achievement and autonomy.	It is aimed at collective well-being and shared responsibilities.

Pakistan as a Collectivist Society 

Does Pakistan being a collective or community-based society affect emotional intelligence in children? 

Pakistan’s collectivist culture is a strong indicator of how a child’s emotional intelligence is shaped. 

Children are taught that their behaviour and aims reflect on the family. Emotions in a collectivist society are linked to emotional respect and harmony.  

In Pakistan, many children are raised in extended families, which leads to them responding to the needs of relatives. Children are also conditioned to restrain emotions to prevent conflict, specifically with elders.

In a community-based environment, relationships are built upon respect, cooperation, and loyalty. Family and community are emphasized over personal gain when it comes to decision-making. This helps strengthen collective responsibility, as well as social awareness. 

Limitations in Learning Emotional Skills in Pakistan

Emotional restraint in children is not always positive. In fact, it results in limiting emotional expression. There are a number of factors due to which emotional intelligence is not widely taught or practiced in Pakistan.

Factors Affecting Emotional Intelligence

Two important factors limiting the development of emotional abilities are discussed below: 

1. Education is limited to IQ more than EQ 

Like several countries, Education in Pakistan is limited to the intelligence quotient, and hardly focuses on the emotional quotient. Many studies have pointed out this limitation, including a need to teach kids emotional skills in school environments. 

“The current curriculum approaches in Pakistan underscore language and cognitive skills and ignore social, emotional, cultural, physical, and secular/spiritual development’ (Khan, 2018). 

According to research, general findings about educational practices in the country indicate that rote learning and a shortage of resources show a gap in building overall child development. 

Researchers call for the urgent need for a better-balanced approach, centered around the importance of SEL and life skills for a student’s success, not only in academics but other aspects of life.

2. Mental health is a Taboo in Pakistan 

Lack of awareness and cultural stigma are indicators of mental health being a taboo in Pakistan. There is also a shortage of mental infrastructure. Mental health is often seen in a negative light, and people with mental health conditions often have labels upon them, such as ‘insanity’. Due to these issues, people do not seek mental help. 

Now, how does this connect to emotional intelligence in children? 

Discouragement to talk about emotions 

With mental health being termed as taboo, children are discouraged from talking about their feelings, which limits them in recognizing and labelling emotions.

Unhealthy Coping Skills 

Western countries usually promote open discussion between parents and children. However, in a collectivist society like Pakistan, this is typically prevented, resulting in the child’s poor management of stress and other emotions.

Emotion Suppression

In Pakistan, children are taught to conceal or ignore emotions. This leads to emotional restraint, instead of self-expression.

Lack of Empathy

Due to the stigmatization of mental health, children may struggle to comprehend or empathize with those facing emotional setbacks. 

Impacts Social Awareness 

Stigma results in a lack of sensitivity to emotional needs, which increases the inability of children to support their peers.

Inadequate Access to Support Systems 

Not enough access to mental health infrastructure is why a child lacks professional help to develop resilience and emotional regulation capabilities.

Long-term hindrance of Emotional Intelligence 

Ongoing suppression and little to no guidance can disturb the rise of emotional intelligence into adulthood, too

Other factors impacting emotional intelligence are family, social relationships, and the environment. 

Addressing Emotional Development in Children 

Global Strategies 

• Schools globally have introduced Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) programs to increase self-awareness, empathy, as well as emotional regulation.
• Teachers are trained in trauma-informed practices to support children facing stress or conflict.
• Children are able to express feelings and build resilience through play, art, and drama therapy.
• Mindfulness activities, such as breathing exercises, help in improving focus and managing stress

Pakistan-based Strategies 

1. Rozan conducts parenting workshops and counseling services for families, along with helplines. This helps children manage their emotions, enhance communication, and strengthen coping skills.
2. The Child Protection and Welfare Bureau organizes counseling workshops and a child helpline, which supports vulnerable children and helps them recognize and regulate emotions.
3. SOS Pakistan promotes mental health as a child’s right by minimizing stigma. It provides shelters, therapy, and emotional intelligence training in schools. SOS also advocates for school-based screening and counseling, hence building a child’s emotional resilience.

Fostering Emotional Intelligence through Play 

Building emotional intelligence in children doesn’t need to be boring. Sharing toys and playing in teams teaches them to understand their world and the world around them. 

Let’s take a look at some toys that encourage teamwork and, therefore, increase awareness and emotional support skills. 

Pretend Doctor Toy Set

A doctor play set for kids is an excellent way to build emotional intelligence.  Children learn how to care for pretend sick patients through hands-on play, which develops their empathy skills.  

Board Games 

Board games are played with multiple players. Games like these teach sharing, turn-taking, and understanding that there are wins and losses in life. All of these are vital aspects in shaping emotional skills and empathy. 

Drawing Board 

A drawing board teaches a child how to express themselves through art. It aids in recognizing emotions and empathy. Taking turns drawing teaches co-operation and relationship skills. Visuals make it simple for kids to understand different emotions.

Recommendations to build Emotional Intelligence

 The Role of Teachers 

• Teachers play a vital role in fostering EI by modeling empathy, respect, as well as effective communication (Sadiku et al, 2020)
• Integrating emotional learning into lessons helps a child express and feel emotions.
• Teachers who encourage teamwork plus problem-solving shape stronger social awareness.
• A teaching support system builds resilience, self-regulation, and enhanced student relationships.

The Role of Parents 

• Family support builds emotional growth (Sadiku et al, 2020)
• Conflict or neglect leads to poor emotional skills.
• The emotion-coaching parenting style, where parents validate feelings and guide children in managing them, is the most effective (Gottman,1997)
• Nurturing parenting builds trust, resilience, and strong social connections, leading to a rise in emotional intelligence in children.

Conclusion 

Building emotional intelligence is essential for a child’s personal, social, and educational success. While IQ supports cognitive development, emotional intelligence delivers the skills required to manage emotions, shape empathy, and strengthen relationships.

In Pakistan’s community-based society, cultural norms and mental health stigma are relevant and can be a hindrance to emotional growth. Teachers and parents play an important role in bridging these limitations. 

Modeling empathy, encouraging open communication, and teaching decision-making can guide a child towards a healthy way of emotional coping.

Fostering EI from a young age not only improves emotional well-being but also helps navigate emotionally driven circumstances, as children journey into adulthood and beyond.